#Firstperson: "I Had An Arranged Marriage With 2 Days To Find My Lehenga But ..."
BY Apoorva Pagar | 13 May, 2017
There's a general perception that arranged marriages are 'uncool' or 'scary' or just so 1990's. So when blogger and fashionista That Delhi Girl , Pallavi Ruhail, told us that she had an arranged marriage without all the social media hoopla and would love to share her story about her beautiful marriage with us, we were all ears.
Blogger Weddings ...
As a blogger,my life has always been an open book. Or maybe more than that. From where am I eating to the vacation I am planning, everything is up on social media. It can be consuming, not denying that, but it’s pretty much a part of my job as a blogger. Almost all the bloggers who get married now, share every detail of it because that’s what our readers expect. Fortunately or unfortunately for me, I started my blog after a year and a half of my wedding so I never had to do all those live feeds and social media shares.
Given how popular love marriages are, people are always suprised when I tell them that ours was an arranged one. Shitiz, my husband, and I have a great relationship and people see our chemistry and always seem to be a bit surprised at how we met.
How We Met ...
I was dating this guy for a couple of years, when we finally decided to call it quits as we both wanted different things in life. After a brief rebound phase, I left it upto my parents to find someone for me. My mom and sister were enthusiastic about it and would actively look up profiles. While the first few matches were absolute fails, on their last attempt there it was, Shitiz’s profile’s request amongst other useless ones.
While our parents met each other without even telling us , I finally saw his profile and it may sound like a cliché but I just had this feeling that this could be it when I saw his picture. The one grinning passport size photo against a brick wall which is so typical of all these B-school. Very ISB/IIM thing. That picture got me.
Meeting the parents and the boy...
Cut to October 2012 when I meet Shitiz- while at first I'm thinking- wow this guy made very little effort to actually get dressed up for me, those fears were soon allayed as we start talking. From movies to whiskey, travel to food, politics or fashion, no topic is untouched. We just clicked! The conversation goes on and on without us realizing that it’s been over three hours by now till my mom interrupts us for dinner. We sit down for dinner and that’s when I get to talk to his parents and I loved how chilled out they were about everything and just wanted to know what my personal and professional aspirations were. The next day, we get a call that its a 'yes' from his side ! Ofcourse the fact that we are married means that it was a yes for me too but there was so much in between-sharing our life, experiences, fears and getting to know each other.
Planning a Wedding Without The 'Frills'
I had limited number of leaves so my sister and mom did most of my bridal trousseau shopping. They would click pictures and send me and I would reply back hiding my phone under the desk during the lectures. Instead of going through weddings magazines and pinterest, I was buried in library all day. The endless trips to mall for wedding shopping or spas were replaced by conducting health surveys in remote areas of Rajasthan as a part of ‘keeping up with the grades’. I never even got to take any of those ‘fancy bridal packages’ but somehow it just didn’t matter.
I barely got 2 days to go for my main ‘bridal lehenga’ hunt. Just 2 days, yupp! It was just crazy and not easy. Whatever time I had in hand I would rather spend it with Shitiz and getting to know him better. The idea was to focus on having a perfect marriage than a perfect wedding for me ! Even our wedding day was chaotic- there were thunderstorms, movement of decor and location and a very very unwell bride.
After the wedding...
Over 4 years now and I have no regrets about how the whole wedding madness happened, every wedding is a dream wedding if you have a dream partner!You just need a right person who can happen even on a matrimonial website.
It’s funny how internet is full of articles that talk down arranged marriages, that how it is uncool or not romantic, unexciting, or even archaic. I don’t think so. It’s on you. How and what you make of it and every situation that comes your way. Whenever I try to tell people who aren’t a big fan of arranged marriages that it’s not bad, look at me, funny they would rather say ‘oh you got lucky’ than accept that maybe it’s not really luck. Maybe Shitiz and I worked things out despite of all the obstacles because we were committed to making it work.
My advice for arranged marriages
Love isn’t the only food to a marriage. There’s companionship, adjustments, patience, commitments and having an optimistic approach. Even if you’re dating someone and decide to marry the person, trust me marriage is a different ballgame all together. We are talking about living 24*7, being a part of each other’s family, paying bills, supporting each other’s profession, house chores, kids (if you decide to have kids), good days and bad days, crazy working hours at times, and so on. It’s the whole show! You see, it doesn’t really matter, love or arranged, a marriage is a marriage. You have to be all in.
Remember, it is always a two way street. With the partner and the parents. Love if you want to be loved. In the end, it doesn’t matter how you got there, what matters is how you get it going!
About The Author: Pallavi Ruhail runs the blog, That Delhi Girl.